Adore De' Lemony
by LemonyWickedAwesome
Summary: What happens when neglected housewife, Rukia Kuchiki spikes her husband's dinner with something that will...er...help, their marriage? LEMONS and very stupid adult humor is what happens. One-shot! Classic Lemony Story, peoples.


**Lemony:** Ok this idea came to me at like twelve o'clock at night while I was eating chocolate chip waffles! Lol! Ahaha, enjoy!

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><p>Adore' De Lemony<p>

Rukia was frustrated as hell. What had our dear Rukia so pissed off you ask? Well, it was the one thing that makes all housewives mad:

Her fucking husband.

Well, maybe she wasn't completely upset, she just a little miffed that's all. Some of the spark had gone out of her marriage. Her husband, Gin Ichimaru, was a good spouse, loving and stable…but some of the spice had been taken out of their sex-life. Gin was always working, trying to provide for his wife and six-month-old son, Haru. He was a partner at his law firm, but sadly that came with a shit-load of responsibility. He'd be so tired after work he would fall asleep immediately, sometimes Gin wouldn't make it to the bedroom! He'd just cave in onto the couch! Then, there were times where he would skip dinner and just hit the sack he was so exhausted. He loved his wife and child, but shit, he wasn't Superman.

Rukia didn't work, Gin's quarter of a million dollar salary made sure of that. Gin didn't want his beloved wife to lift a finger, instead he wanted her to stay home all day long and tend to their house and child. At first Rukia didn't want to be a stay-at-home mom, but Gin put his fucking foot down on the matter. He was man of the house, and men have to work to provide for their families…even if it meant he was tired as hell.

At first, Rukia felt bad for wanting more affection from her husband when she realized she didn't give a shit. She had every right in the world to be selfish! She was his wife, he was suppose to fuck her regularly! At the beginning of their marriage that's exactly what Gin did, she remembered a point in time when she would say, "Not tonight Gin, I have headache." But now she was desperate for a little bump and grind. But Gin was tired, now it was him saying "Not now Rukia, I have to go to work in the morning."

Rukia didn't know why she was so horny all of a sudden, she figured it had something to do with her pregnancy, she blamed it on the hormones and whatnot. But one thing was for certain, if her husband came home another night and didn't touch her, Rukia was going to lose her damn mind.

Now it was mid-day and Rukia was in the kitchen feeding Haru mushy peas, at the same time she was reading the news from her laptop. Her son was gurgling happily decorating his face with the soggy vegetables while she was reading, he looked like a fat, baby version of Gin covered in green mush. Suddenly a window on the screen opened,

"Damn pop-ups," Rukia said moving her finger over the mouse pad to exit out of the browser, but something caught her attention. Holy crap, there was a picture of an erect penis! Did she accidently go to a porn site? What the hell was a penis doing on her computer screen!

"Before you exit out of this window, you might want to listen!" Apparently the window was a video, there was a very attractive woman standing next to the picture of the penis.

"Has some of the spark gone out of your marriage?" The good-looking woman asked,

"Yes it has." Rukia answered suddenly interested and leaning in to see the video,

"Was this once your husband's penis? Good and hard and ready for you, now is it limp and wrinkly and useless?" She continued,

"Why yes it is…" Rukia said unconsciously nodding, dammit this video was talking directly to her! And the clouds opened up and God said "There is a solution, Rukia Ichimaru!" Every time Rukia had doubt, fate always did something to make her believe again!

"Are you tired of using your vibrator every other night to get off?" The hot woman continued, Rukia nodded.

"Yes! I'm getting a plastic yeast infection! Rukia said her heart swelling with hope, oh dear lord this could be answer to her problems...

"My name is Lemony and I had the same problem with my hubby a few years ago!" The sexy beast of a woman exclaimed, "I'm a licensed chemist and dick-ologist and I have the solution to all of your problems you desperate, horny housewife!"

"What is the answer, oh great Lemony?" Rukia said grabbing both sides of her computer and listening intently,

Then the hot chick on the computer screen held up a bright yellow bottle of liquid,

"With Adore' De Lemony you'll see a distinct change in your husband, he'll become a randy bastard want to ravish you! Simply add a few drops to his food or drink, put the kiddies to bed, and get ready to be walking bow-legged, honey."

"Where do I get it?" Rukia asked the screen,

"Adore De' Lemony is on sale now at all major retailers."

With that the screen faded out and Rukia was left with a lecherous smirk on her face. She turned and picked up Haru from his high chair.

"Haru," She said, "Mommy's gotta pick up some things from the grocery store. And you might just get a younger sibling if all goes well, my son."

~A Few Moments Later~

Rukia found herself standing on the spices isle looking at the bright yellow bottle of Adore De' Lemony. She was contemplating whether or not she should actually buy it. Well, really, what did she have to lose? But still she was kinda skeptical. At the same time Haru was bouncing around in the buggy.

"Hi Rukia!" She heard someone call, Rukia turned and saw three familiar faces. It was Rangiku and her two twin sons. Rangiku was married to Toshiro Hitsugaya and was a fellow housewife, their sons were both white-haired, blue-eyed six-year-old miniature versions of their father.

"Ah," Rangiku said grabbing a bottle of Adore De' Lemony and tossing into her shopping cart. "Shiro needed more of this, I was getting desperate."

Rukia arched an eyebrow while examining the bottle in her hand, "Toshiro uses…_this_?"

Rangiku nodded, "Well he doesn't know, I put it in his coffee every morning and well…lets just say he's…er…happy to see me when he comes home from work. I've been using on him for months now."

"So, this stuff really works?" Rukia asked examining the plastic bottle in her hand,

"Yes ma'am." Rangiku said reassuringly, "I didn't believe it at first but then tried it. Now, Toshiro can go from Robin to Batman with this,"

"Excuse me ladies," Then an arm went across Rukia's face, it was Momo Hinamori grabbing a bottle for herself and who should be with her but her three-year-old daughter, the little girl looked more like Momo than her father Sosuke.

"I was running low on this," She said to herself smiling lustfully, when she looked up and saw two fellow housewives, "Oh hi guys, how are you?"

"Fine, hey Sosuke uses this stuff too?" Rukia asked, Momo looked at her as if she was crazy. Every stay-at-home mother/wife knew about this stuff! Rukia was waaay late on the curve. If she was late, that meant her and Gin couldn't have been having good sex lately.

"Yeah, don't you and Gin use it?" Momo said in disbelief, "I put a few drops in Sosuke's dinner and he goes from Vanilla Ice to Jay-Z. Our sex-life has never been better. He's normally so tired after work, but with this…well…he gets a little extra kick." The brunette winked at Rukia and placed the bottle into her buggy.

Rukia beamed.

She was gonna try this stuff!

Without another thought she tossed into her shopping cart. Gin Ichimaru better watch, get ready, or do something because it was gonna be ON tonight…

~Later That Night Around 9 p.m~

"Rukia," Gin called loosening his tie and putting his brief case down by the door, "I'm home. Where are you?"

"I'm in the kitchen," Rukia called back cheerfully, Gin sighed and drug his heavy feet tiredly into the kitchen to see his wife maneuvering around with the grace of a ballerina. He gave her the usual peck on the check and turned his attention to the food sitting on the stove. She cooked a large dinner of all Gin's favorites including shrimp, rice, and of course dried permissions all to be washed down with a tall glass sake. Usually Rukia only cooked like this on special occasions…

But then Gin could see a mischievous glint in her eyes. Now he knew she was up to something…

"Welcome come, dear," She sang pushing him into the living room and shoving him down into the recliner. Gin looked at his wife dumbfounded as she removed his heavy suit jacket, tie, shoes and socks.

"Now you get comfortable and I'll be back with your dinner," Rukia chirped as she turned on the TV to sports highlights and kissing him sweetly on the forehead.

Now Gin was really confused.

Rukia was way too happy for something not to be going on. She was catering to him which was somewhat strange. She was good to him, yes, but now Rukia was waiting on him hand and foot? What the hell was going on? Did Gin work so hard he forgot it was his own birthday or something? Something was not right with universe!

Just then his wife returned, practically skipping, to living room. She gingerly put his plate down and smirked at him.

Gin sensed a disturbance in the force.

"Ok Rukia, what do you want and how much is it gonna cost me?" Gin asked looking at her suspiciously. Rukia made an exaggerated act of looking offended, she quirked her lips.

"Can't a wife just want her husband to be comfortable and relax? Why do I have to want something?" She lied smoothly,

Relax?

Normally Rukia would hound him about going to bed early, not spending time with Haru, and the same old things wives nag their husbands about (that they usual ignore anyway) and yadda, yadda, yadda…now she wanted him to just relax?

Gin looked at her, and then his food, and then back Rukia. He actually wasn't very hungry, he was more tired if anything. The silver-haired man was planning on skipping dinner tonight and going straight to bed, but Rukia went to all the trouble of trying to please him and his stomach. Gin decided he might as well eat, but he was cautious…Rukia wouldn't try to poison him…would she?

Rukia's smirk widened and she merely skipped from the living room back into the kitchen leaving her husband alone with the spiked food and drink. Gin meanwhile was tucking away his dinner and he guzzled down the sake. The food itself was good, but for some odd reason it tasted like…lemons? He got up and went into the kitchen to find Rukia smiling at him.

"Thanks for dinner," He said a bit terrified, "I think I'm gonna go to bed now…"

"Ok honey…" Rukia purred giving him a small kiss. Gin carefully backed out of the kitchen, watching his wife intently to make sure she didn't try to pull any knives on him. Rukia was way too cheerful and it was freaking him out! Normally she was calm and reserved now she happier than a fat kid trapped in the Chocolate Factory. Downright happy-go-lucky, little fairy princess gleeful! She was jollier than Santa Claus for goodness sakes! It wasn't natural!

Once he was safe upstairs, Gin changed out of his work clothes and donned a pair of regular fleece pajamas and collapsed into bed.

Downstairs, Rukia was nervously biting her nails. What if that stuff didn't work? Well the bottle said it takes about an hour to kick in and it had only been thirty minutes. The raven-haired woman shook her head, what was she thinking? She had preparations that needed to be done, so she ran back into the living room and snatched a nightie she stashed under the couch cushion and locked herself in the bathroom.

"Shit…" The silver-haired husband swore turning onto his side,

Gin couldn't sleep worth a damn. Was it him or was it fucking hot? He was burning the hell up. The heat in the bedroom kept spiking to the point where Gin had torn off all of his clothes. He now was laying in bed wearing nothing but boxers, dripping with sweat. He tossed and turned with the bed covers sticking to his soaked body, he was fighting the powerful urge to fuck. Why was it so freaking hot in that damn room? Then his hips began jerk as blood rushed through his cock. Fuck, he'd never been this hard in his life, it actually kinda hurt. Irrationally, he thought of his wife, she wasn't just supposed to bear children, and watch the house, she was supposed to fuck him, dammit!

Finally Gin couldn't take it anymore! He hopped out of bed and ripped his boxers away from his body, it was too dam hot for clothes any fucking way. He set about the house, searching for his wife, balls out, bucket-naked, ready to bend her over something.

"Rukia…" He called desperately, "Where are you, woman?"

Gin made his way downstairs, through the kitchen and into the living room. He was so aroused he didn't even notice the lights were dimmed, there were lit candles everywhere, and soft, sensual music coming from the stereo. Boy, Rukia really went all out. The only thing he noticed was the bathroom door was closed but the light was on.

"Rukia, come out here," He said gruffly, "I have something I want to give you…"

"A present? For me? Oh Gin you shouldn't have!" She called coyly from the other side of the door trying her hardest not to laugh. She could hear the rawness in Gin's voice! Adore De' Lemony worked like a charm!

"Oh but I did…" Gin replied stepping towards the door, at that very moment it swung open to reveal his wife, clad in a racing-red short silk nightie leaning coquettishly against the doorframe. Gin's cock popped up so quick it nearly hit him in the stomach. He almost tackled her. The silver-haired husband could hear Sex Machine by James Brown blaring in his ears. Rukia's eyes went wide to see her husband just letting it all hand out…he must have been really aroused because there was a crazed look in his eyes.

Not saying a thing, Gin stormed up to her, his cock bouncing with every step, and stood in front of his wife.

"I don't know what you put in my food," He growled, "But I like it."

With that he snatched the nightie over her head and scooped his wife into his arms. Gin backed up until his bare legs hit the couch and plopped down taking Rukia with him, her legs on either side of him. He crashed his mouth into hers, bruising the soft pink flesh, forcefully parting her lips and twirling his tongue around, tickling the back of her throat. Rukia was shocked at his aggression, Gin was normally such a gentle lover but now…fuck gentle loving and all that bullshit! He wanted to screw his little woman into next Tuesday.

His hands roughly found her small mounds and began to message them, he pulled away from her mouth and Gin began to devour his wife as if she most delicious thing in the world. Hands and tongue rolled around her breast, massaging, licking, caressing, kissing, biting, pinching. Rukia's head was rolling around at the wonderful feeling of her husband finally giving her some much attention. He wanted to touch and taste every part of her, urgently feeling every body part Gin could reach.

Gin couldn't wait any longer, he wanted to be inside his wife right now. He felt like his cock would explode if he didn't feel her sliding over him. Grabbing her tiny waist, he elevated her just about his manhood. Then he brought her crashing down on his loins, Rukia screamed at being penetrated so hard and so fast but it was wonderful. Gin started pumping her into oblivion, hungry for release. His head rested on the back of the couch as his wife rode him like a psycho cowgirl. Her nails were digging into his shoulders as she bounced around a long, pale, x-rated pogo-stick. Oh this is was what she wanted for so long, Rukia made a mental note to buy some more of that crazy shit with the way Gin was laying mad pipe to her. She was crying out loudly, Gin was trying to blow her fucking kidneys out of her back he was humping so hard. The sound of his wife slapping against his loins made Gin even more frantic, he started moving at an impossible pace getting deeper, quicker, loving her sloshing flesh pull over him, with his lower back burning from his efforts.

Finally, after what seemed like hours of fucking, Gin tensed, his balls tightening up.

"Rukia…I'm going to cum…hold on baby…" He brought her slamming down onto him as he rocketed into space, shooting off firecrackers of semen into his wife, still pumping hard before slowing and drifting back down to earth completely satisfied. Gin came so strongly there was no doubt in his mind his wife was pregnant again. Rukia wore him the fuck out. Gin Ichimaru could say he honestly loved his wife.

Rukia had long sense climaxed and was boneless in his arms. Throughout riding Gin for all she was worth she ended up cumming her brains out. Rukia could say she learned the meaning of the phrase "To be fucked stupid," because at this point she was babbling like an idiot and speaking in tongues. Painfully, but with a delicious ache, Rukia slid off of Gin's flaccid cock, she heard Haru crying and decided to go check on their son.

Surely enough, she was walking bow-legged.

Rukia was positive Adore De' Lemony was going to put Viagra out of business if men fucked their wives like that! What Gin just did to her could have been illegal! But she'd be the first person to testify in his defense.

So she learned the housewives' secret to a good marriage. It wasn't about having a family, or being successful, it was a about good sex, dammit! But Rukia learned a painful lesson as well. She'd only use her "little secret" on Gin when she felt neglected again. Her horniness was sated…for now…

THE END!

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><p><strong>Lemony:<strong> I gotta stop eating waffles in the middle of night…it gives me terrible ideas lol!..BTW this was hastily written so if there's mistakes please ignore them as always and…REVIEW!


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